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  • Leslie Merrell

How to be Terrifically Miserable in 3 Easy Steps




Step 1

Make other people's behavior about you.

Examples: your child has a bad grade, or your spouse doesn't take out the trash, or your friend hasn't texted you in days. Now, to be terrifically miserable, make that behavior mean something about YOU-- maybe that you are a bad parent, or that your spouse doesn't care about your, or that your friend never really liked you that much, etc. This step ensures that other people have control of how you feel.

Step 2

Know what other people should do.

Examples: Know that other people should be kind, fair, truthful, helpful. Know that other people should follow the rules, and should make amends. Know that other people should behave logically and responsibly, and they should be reasonable. This step ensures that you will create distance between you and other people. It will also ensure that you will always have the opportunity to be let down, frustrated, and/or angry.

Step 3

Believe that acceptance, love and confidence come from outside of yourself.

Examples: Notice how other people respond when you do or try or say something. What do they say? What do they not say? How about body language? Did they even notice? Did things turn out the way you hoped? Did you do it perfectly? This step ensures that you are dependent on other people or circumstances to have your back and be your support. This is doubly effective, because even if you get positive feedback, you can still question it.



While these steps are simple, I must warn you that your terrific miserableness will be greatly jeopardized should you slip up and make other people's behavior about them and what they are thinking/feeling, and should you allow other people to use their agency how they choose, and should you accept and love yourself, and have your own back.